Why I got married at 19

"If you want to have kids, you need to do it now.” the doctor said to my girlfriend.

We were both 19.

But she had Cystic Fibrosis and it had caused a series of complications in the last couple of months.

The median life expectancy (at the time) for a CF patient was 35 years old.

We had started dating only a few months before, but had already talked about starting a family someday.

• So, I bought a ring at the jewelry store in the mall

• Proposed in the park where we went on our first date

• And ended up at the church altar 6 months later

That altar is where I experienced another 5-second transformation.

And I remember every single detail:

Sweat dripping down my face and onto my tuxedo,

Standing in an 1800s church with no air conditioning, mid-summer,

In front of 200 of my closest friends and family, my brain was a cocktail of nerves and surreallity.

I was getting married, at 19 years old.

In that moment, I transformed from a kid living in his grandparent’s basement to an independent man that had to figure out how to make his way in the world and support a family.

To say my parents weren’t thrilled was an understatement.

It wasn’t the path they envisioned for me.

Friends tried to talk me out of it.

And there was doubt in my mind too.

But I believed in our reasons.

That dichotomy of my youthful, naive confidence and the raw reality of the commitment forced a transition.

This was the moment that I realized I had to become something else.

I was choosing to care for my wife and start a family knowing the challenges ahead. I was going to be on my own, supporting someone else at the same time.

I was embracing a life purpose that I felt deeply connected to.

And, MY actions had consequences. From this point forward I couldn’t blame anyone but myself.

If I made the wrong decision or didn’t work toward goals that made me a better, more competent person, then I was letting people down.

People that depended on me.

The stakes weren’t just my parent’s disappointment anymore.

I had a family to support. I had to prove that I could take care of someone other than myself.

The lesson

This transformation taught me a big lesson:

Live with intention. Align EVERY action with my values, and don’t look back.

This principle is the opposite of drifting through life and being swayed by outside forces.

My decision to marry early and start a family was a step out of the shadows and into the arena.

The arena of purpose and intention.

And I’ve never felt more alive. Scared, sure. But alive.

I missed out on a ton of experiences most people my age have. But I wouldn’t trade the last 12 years for anything.

So, this is my advice: societal norms and onlooker opinions be damned. Make decisions rooted in values that mattered deeply to you.

Sacrifice short-term dopamine hits for a bigger purpose.

Embrace terrifying challenges head-on. Living intentionally isn’t about avoiding the hard things but facing them with clarity and conviction.

Get after it

The sweaty, tuxxed-up, 19-year old Swanagan standing in that church didn’t know what life was going to bring.

But even through that fear of the unknown, I mostly remember feeling excitement for the future.

And that’s a feeling of being alive.

12 years later, we are still married and have 3 kids.

I don’t regret a minute.

So, make a set of principles.

• Command your day with them.

• Write about them.

• Constantly evaluate every decision against their underlying values.

And ever act without intention.

Cheers,

Swanagan

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