Pattern interrupts

“Are you ok? I’m worried about you…”

My uncle asked. I paused…

Because I wasn’t ok.

For the past 3 months, I had been working 18 hour days, 7 days a week as an operations manager for a hazardous chemical plant.

Stressed out of my mind, not sleeping, and in terrible shape.

But it wasn’t just from work: my Dad had died 2 months earlier, and my wife had a miscarriage in the second trimester a month after that.

I was severely depressed. It got so bad that I would wake up in the middle of the night crying.

I couldn’t be alone with my thoughts.

I would even listen to podcasts in the shower just to keep my mind on something else.

But I had convinced myself that everything was ok.

Just man up and deal with it. And dealing with it turned into working myself over the burnout cliff at 150 MPH.

Besides, the job paid great money, and I didn’t have a backup plan, or the ability to take any time off.

I told myself that pouring myself into work was the best medicine for all the other life trauma.

But my uncle saw what was happening. He recognized the pattern of depression that I was sinking in.

…and reached out when he didn’t have to. "This is serious, and you are going to wind up in the hospital… You've always looked happiest playing music and lifting weights. Do more of that" He said at the end of the call.

It felt like a sledgehammer to the chest.

He was right. I was trying to cover up a bunch of bad situations by burying my feelings and working myself to death.

That call was a pattern interrupt that forced me to confront the fact that I was not letting myself heal.

I had to start doing the things that would force clarity and introspection.

The next day, I put in my 2-weeks notice at work, got a gym membership, and booked a couple music gigs.

And I started writing.

Which led me to getting a business coach.

Which led me to developing an offer.

Which led me to getting my first client.

3 years later, my life is unrecognizable.

If you’re like me, you’ve been burying your feelings inside, putting up with situations that are slowly eating away at your health and sense of self.

You aren’t confronting the elephant in the room.

Because it’s scary.

But, nothing good comes from being comfortable.

Do what I did… Start journaling every day.

Any time you feel better than usual, or get a burst of energy, write down what you are doing and who you are doing it with.

Then, review every week and see which activities gave you the most energy.

And do more of that thing.

It will change your life.

It changed mine.